Friday Funnies

Hi,
Hard to believe that it's Friday again. I started my 'project', Lisa taught a class, we approached the pool, and Tiger gets some new competition.
I must say, I'm impressed and intrigued that so many of you knew the song. It gives me new insights as to what you're into, or were into, and what music made an impact on you. "Once In A Lifetime" by The Talking Heads was, as Ashley put it, "One of theeee most brilliant songs ever!" Lane sent me a piece that may help to understand the lyrics of the song. "The song has a rather existential vibe to it, although it is usually interpreted to be a song dealing with the middle age crisis and the inevitable sacrifice of youthful ideals and dreams for conventional success." Now you know.
For the weekend, we'll ponder this line: "I love the life I live and I'm gonna live the life I love, I'm doin' fine on __ __" Clues: By itself that line has been used countless times by a wide range of writers. The song I'm humming was by a group of guys that tempted us through the '60's with their imagination. This was from their psychedelic period. Oh yeah, there's a number in there too.
I got a pretty good start on the new flower bed fencing today. I now have a pattern of 'moves' that will make the job go faster tomorrow. I must say, I've learned how to improvise after watching the house building and various other construction sites. I fashioned a post-hole digger out of a piece of PVC tubing and I'm using split bamboo to make shims for my little fence posts. I'm going to start early in the morning though. Today I got a late start and the day was just too hot.
Speaking of hot, the pool water is not. This was supposed to be the day we were going to take our first swim of the season. We got all ready and Lisa made her way into the pool. As she stood in the middle and exclaimed that it was just too cold, I waved from the shore and didn't bother going in. Her tolerance for cold water is higher than mine so you see my logic. We'll just keep approaching it until it's comfortable. (Ha)
Napa came over this afternoon for another ballet lesson. Tay, her mom, had mentioned to Lisa that her husband Pong wanted to know if I would like to learn to play golf. Hmm, OK. The first time I met him one of the things he wanted to know was if I had a sport. Well, no. So now I'll have a sport. He's what has been referred to as a 'high-level policeman', speaks English and loves to play golf. This should be another interesting adventure. There is a golf course right over the bridge from our house so I won't have to go far to knock balls into the trees. (555)
It's time for the 'Funnies' with a big thanks to my friend Barry. Read the whole thing and have a Fabulous WeekEnd.

Peace,
Danny

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 Total $21.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Jack car up.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Cuss.
11) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
12) Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to liquor store; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 10.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit and broke the rearview mirror.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent: Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00 Total-- $4165.00
But, you have the satisfaction of knowing the job was done right...


Gettin' Funky, Thai Style
www.flickr.com/photos/gratidudepics
www.risingstardom.com
www.lisamosesgallery.com